Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
Now, try to stay on your feet while it gets pulled out from under you…
My life is in complete upheaval right now. I just started a new job, we jammed all of our stuff in storage, moved out of our house and now we are temporarily staying at my mom’s house to be closer to my work until the company relocates back to the Grand Junction area in September. Our move took the entire month of March because I couldn’t afford any time off and having a two-year old at home didn’t allow for Sean to get a hell of a lot done during the day. On top of that, the same week I started my new job, I started teaching a spin class at the gym on Wednesday nights (which I LOVE!), so between that, learning my new position and commuting up and down from Rifle to GJ several times a week to fit it all in, I’m a bit strung out. We had our final walk-through on the house last Saturday, got our deposit back and in the bank to save for our move back to The Junk in a few months, and now we just have the task of settling in at my mom’s while not making it seem like we’ve completely taken over her home.
All fine and dandy and insane, except that Sean, who has been steadily looking for employment for the past two years, suddenly received a call on Sunday afternoon about a job he applied for over four months ago. In Durango. Not only is the guy extremely interested in Sean, but he is heading down to Durango tomorrow for an interview on Thursday. He was all but offered the job on the phone, and there is potential for it to morph from a shop foreman job, which is where he’d be starting, into a drafting and detailing position. This is where that shiny new degree of his will come in handy – finally! He hasn’t been able to find anything in his field since way before he even graduated and the potential in The Junk had come to a screeching halt, which is why we decided to focus on my job. Plans to move up weren’t panning out for me in my full-time position at the gym, so I moved on to a company with opportunity for long-term growth and advancement.
Now, we have some hard decisions to make. We aren’t going to do anything rash until we see how the interview goes, but Sean is pretty excited about this, which means we have to think about our future from all angles. We have his kids to consider and how often we’ll get to see them. I have to research what job prospects will look like for me, and whether it’s possible for me to find something that allows me to stay with Isla more, which I would love. The fact that I’ve just started a great job doesn’t make it easier, though. The cost of living is more expensive, which means we won’t be able to afford lots of space. We will be closer to Sean’s family for a change, which would be great – he hasn’t spent more than a few random weekends in Durango in the past 20 years. We both have friends in the area that we never get to see and I even have some family a few hours away, so it’s not like we would be moving to a place where we don’t know a soul. Durango is an adorable town and the first time Sean and I visited, I bugged him and bugged him about how much I’d like to live there. Well, now. Almost six years later, I may get my chance, whether I’m ready or not.
Oops. There goes the rug.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Six weeks?!? This is a nightmare! Working out is the only thing that balances me when I get stressed, when I'm anxious, when I'm nervous and most certainly, when my diet has severely derailed (see previous posts) and I need a calorie-burning Yin to my junk food Yang. I feel like I'm going to be a ship lost at sea, waiting for the lighthouse that won't be beaming my way into the harbor until New Year's - just in time for those pesky resolutions. In the meantime, I'm a little freaked out about how I'm going to handle myself. With two weeks of laying around ahead of me, I'll definitely have some time to figure it all out.
I'll be sending the next few updates from my makeshift desk of pillows and blankets - stay tuned for all of the excitement!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I trained with Bo yesterday and it was so great. I finally conquered the Spider Monkey and was able to clear the whole weight bench this time - FOR ALL THREE SETS - rather than just barely lift off of the floor, like before. I felt pretty fan-freaking-tastic about myself, I have to say. (If you don't know what the Spider Monkey is, ask Bo - I'm sure he'd love to demonstrate!) Today was our big end-of-the-month push at the gym - a day during which I don't take lunch and I certainly don't work out. I need to be available to sign up the masses! However, last night I packed my workout bag, not even thinking about it, and I'm so happy I did! My wonderful friend Casey, who also trains with Bo, had to cancel her session at literally the last second so she called and offered it to me because it was already paid for and she didn't want it to go to waste. Now I know what I want to be when I grow up: insanely wealthy with unlimited funds to spend on personal training. WHAT A LUXURY it was to train twice in one week!! No wonder we recommend this to members who sign up for PT! It truly, truly makes a difference, and it's so much more motivating! We did this insanely hard yet fun circuit workout in the GGX room and although I'm pretty sure I will have lost complete function of all leg muscles by tomorrow morning, I was stunned by the difference from training just once a week. As my sessions dwindle down to the last few, it's hard for me to appreciate what I have left because now I just want more, more, MORE! If I could go three times a week for two months and combine that with the ultimate perfect nutrition efforts, I can only imagine what would happen! ALL THINGS AWESOME, I know that.
For now, I'll just say I got spoiled this week, and thank you, Casey, for thinking of me! It was truly a great gift, and my motivation is once again right where it should be: going strong. Attitude of gratitude is what I'm sporting today. For my job, for good karma and for good things to come.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
There it is: the ugly truth.
I have spent so much time analyzing what's going on with me and my weight. I've been chasing down possibilities and trying to come up with solutions like a mad woman, and I feel like that's exactly what I've become: mad. Oh yes, definitely angry, but more along the lines of stone cold crazy. That kind of mad. I've bounced from diet to pill to shake to juice, and I've even considered going gluten free. REALLY, AMANDA?? I've had my thyroid checked and scanned, my blood drawn and my hormones tested. I went to my doctor and then went to a different doctor because I didn't believe my regular guy was getting to the real root of the problem. This type of behavior is beyond ridiculous even for me, and as anyone who knows me can attest, I can be pretty ridiculous. In an endearing way, of course. Wide awake and staring into the darkness, the epiphany came around three a.m. one sleepless night last week: I AM MY OWN PROBLEM. I let fear stand in the way of my own success. Not my thyroid, not my post-pregnancy hormones, and certainly not my extreme hatred for vegetables. It's all me. No glossing it over, no sugar-coating. Just BOOM: FACT.
I've been this way my whole life. I've wanted things, I've started to go after them, and as soon as the road gets a little rocky, I quit. I don't even make it to the forks in the road because I've already detoured and doubled back. I've let the few big hills become my daily little speed bumps and rather than cruise right over them, I take the long way around. The thing that has brought this into focus has been Spin class. I love Spin. Love it! For the past couple of months, I've been thinking about becoming an instructor. I've talked to Linda about it and she thinks I should do the RPM training in January. Bo thinks I can do it. Sometimes I think my body can do it, even where it is now. It's my brain that's having a hard time getting on board. As enthusiastic as I am, I'm scared out of my head. "Who wants to take a fitness class from me? I'm way too big to teach Spin. How could anybody take me seriously?" Negative, negative, negative. The more I want it, the more I talk myself out of it. I don't know what happens when the groundwork has been laid in your head that makes you think you're not good enough, but once you've received that signal, it's hard not to keep tuning into it. Even if the only person sending that signal is you.
I deny myself good things. I starve on health because I binge on junk. I kill myself in a workout only to give in to the voice that tells me, "You'll never be an athlete so have another cookie." I mangle my good intentions and my well-being suffers. Lately I've felt as if I'm fraying around the edges with only a few solid threads holding me together and I'm trying to understand that FOOD ISN'T GONNA FIX IT. It doesn't pay the bills or take care of the piles of laundry on the couch. It doesn't spend quality time with my daughter or figure out how we can afford Christmas presents. It most certainly doesn't take away fear. That I have to figure out on my own. Actually, I have a lot to figure out, but getting rid of the fear is now at the top of the list. Once that happens, I can make way for those good things.
Now, how do I do that? I'm scared.