So, my vacation: three days of mindless eating followed by two days of repeatedly falling off the nutrition wagon while scrambling for a foothold to get back on. I really thought I was prepared to handle myself and make good decisions, especially knowing that I wasn't going to be working out. As it turns out, when my judgment is clouded by sangria slushies, I have a tendency to replace salads with jalapeno cheeseburgers! Thank goodness I was only gone three days! Evidently it takes virtually no time for me to severely derail the train at this point, so while I am beyond grateful that I got to spend time with my amazing friends, it's crucial that I get back to the serious business at hand.
I slogged through a ridiculously slow swim workout this morning and followed it up with an even slower run on the treadmill this afternoon. I HATE the feeling of performing poorly during a workout because I am very competitive with myself, so between that and a severe meltdown over what to wear this morning, I'm once again ready to put in the work. I am terrified of what Bo is going to think when we meet up for our training session this Friday! You know that old, "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed" line you got from your parents as a kid? The line that stings so much more than if you just got into a whopping amount of trouble? That's the line I hear Bo giving me in my head! I worry about disappointing him because I have disappointed myself. He is already very good at calling me out on my nutritional slip-ups, and I have no doubt I will be paying for it with planks, mountain climbers and any number of other little tortures he can come up with. That is definitely the thing about having a personal trainer - they keep you honest, whether you are ready to be honest or not. It's that necessary accountability that is exactly why I bought training sessions. If I can't be truthful about what I'm putting into my body, then I can't earn the results I want to achieve, no matter how hard I work in the gym.
I know I'm not perfect and that a lifetime of bad habits is not going to just disappear. I also know that holding the mirror to myself and acknowledging all of the ugliness is supremely hard for me to do. However, if by doing so I will begin to understand who I can become and what I can do, then I am grateful for the opportunity to share it all. From the vacation binges to the big victories, I will keep pushing forward and I will win this fight, even when my toughest opponent is simply me.