Temptations

I am so excited because tomorrow my daughter, Isla, and I fly to Boise, ID, so we can meet up with my two best friends from high school!  It's a Girls’ Weekend combined with the first time they will be meeting my daughter, so I'm really looking forward to it.  Now all I have to do is survive multiple flights with a super-energetic toddler and I’m good to go!

Since our flight is out at 6:00 a.m., I had to go to the store today because I needed to get a few things for our trip.  I raced around because I was short on time – I’ve come to find as a mom, I’m always short on time – and made my way to the check-out.  While I waited in line, I immediately started scanning the rack near the register to see which candy bar to get.  “What do I want? What sounds good? What size should I get?”  Racing my eyes over all of the various packages, it suddenly dawned on me that nothing sounded good and I actually didn’t want anything, no matter what size. I was shopping for candy truly by force of habit because that has been my routine when I go to the store, every time.  I have literally gotten so used to that course of behavior that the instinct to get candy was almost robotic - as if I had been programmed.

That’s the thing that will be one of the hardest parts for me about this mission for better health.  The habits and behaviors I’ve learned over time have turned me into the Pavlov’s dog of the candy world and unfortunately, the check-out stand is only one of many countless areas of weakness I encounter throughout my life.  It’s also during times like this weekend: a vacation where I justify to myself all kinds of reasons why I can indulge.  “I haven’t seen my friends in almost two years, so I need to celebrate with food.  I am stuck in the airport and – oops! – I forgot to pack healthy snacks, so I’ll just pick up some Cheez-Its and a seven-dollar bag of jelly beans.  The girls and I are definitely going out, so I’ll binge-drink like crazy because we're all together and it’s the only way I’ll get on the dance floor, anyway.”

Excuses.  I can come up with some really convincing ones, even if the only one I need to convince is me.  Have one, have some, might as well have the rest – who’s gonna know?  What I’m working on now is giving myself the accountability to say, “ME.  I will know.”  Giving myself the freedom to choose, and maybe even the credit to choose wisely.  To pick the better option.  Or, to not pick anything at all.  Don’t get the candy bar this time.

So I didn't.  I paid for my things and I left, marveling at the idea that when presented with a food choice, I'm capable of making the right one.  I am sure that down the line there will be plenty of slip-ups - my sweet tooth alone can guarantee that.  And for example this weekend: I already know there will be alcohol and there won't be any workouts.  There will also be Bo, my trainer, waiting back at Gold's next week for the food report from the wild Girls' Weekend.  I don't want to disappoint him, and I don't want to disappoint myself.  We'll see how I do, but I think I'm off to a good start.

Besides, holding up the nutrition end of the deal doesn't scare me nearly as much as traveling with a hurricane wrapped in a tornado disguised as my baby girl.  Oh boy...