Butt Cheeks and Ponytails

Today I am trying to single-handedly bring back the side ponytail to my small town. Although, I am kind of wondering if it every truly left, since far too many women continue to be trapped in the 80's around here as it is. I mean seriously: baggy, pleated, acid washed jeans are just never, ever okay, and they are worn around these parts with a rabid enthusiasm that for the life of me, I will just never understand. Anyway, I saw the side ponytail (worn low on the neck, not high and ridiculous like a cheerleader) in my Us Weekly, and if Us Weekly is endorsing it, then BY GOD, so shall I. I am kind of digging it, and it makes me want to go roller skating in the worst way.

I've been feeling a lot better about things as far as the pregnancy is progressing. Still having small bits of kidney pain here and there, but I am telling myself that it's because my body doesn't know what to do with all of the water I've been flooding in. The ladies are back to hurting and I have had almost constant nausea for the past week - no actual puking, thank goodness - so I am welcoming those symptoms with open arms as they are a positive sign that things are going along okay. I can't wait for my first doctor's appointment next Wednesday, mainly because I would love to get a more accurate idea of the due date and to see if everything is still "intact" at this point. If I go by the date the receptionist gave me over the phone - December 19 - then I am in my sixth week, and the zygote has graduated from Lima Bean to Chickpea. Still so incredibly early, but I don't care. I just have to get past Week 12. I also want to find out if I can still go for my runs, and for how long. I found a website called www.runningpregnant.com and I while I can appreciate the amazing ability of the human body to run 5ks at seven months, I am not interested in being that hard core. But I do love that feeling of sailing along the sidewalk, and I want to be able to keep it up as long as possible. As soon as I get through Week 12, I plan on spending lots of money on pregnancy workout DVDs (hello, Gabrielle Reese) and riding my gorgeous new bike until the weight of my belly threatens to throw me over the side. At this point, I am much more concerned about the weight of my butt! Yesterday morning I was racing to class and had just pulled out of my neighborhood when I realized I forgot my biology books. I know it was the universe's way of watching out for me because as soon as I grabbed my books and started to sit back in my car, the entire ass of my favorite jeans on the planet completely disintegrated. "Tell me that did not just happen." I reached back to check the damage and was promptly greeted with a large expanse of bare butt cheek on both sides, with the rips halfway down my legs. I raced back into the house with my biology folder hiding as much PG-13 viewing as possible and changed into my other favorite pair of jeans, which still fit completely fine. I mean, hello,they should fit fine - this is only the sixth week! The moral of the story is that iron-on patches don't work. I had ironed them into the inside of the offending jeans just three weeks ago after giving Mom and Ron a trial-run of my "Pregnancy Over Age 40" presentation for Human Growth and Development, whereupon Mom informed me that I would be presenting a lot more than that, and pointed out that my pockets were tearing away from the jeans and showing a little skin. I put the patches in, everything went fine, and I resumed my love affair with my jeans completely. And now, they're gone. They've broken up with me. Or, I've broken out of them; I'm not quite sure. One pair down, several to go. I worked so hard for so long to shrink this butt and at this rate, it could be well on its way to its own zip code by Christmas. Who knew Chickpea could do that??

I'm going for a run.