Of Matters and Mayhem

Foods I consumed over my birthday weekend:

SATURDAY:

*A Southern-style chicken biscuit from McDonald's and a hash brown cake, I guess you could call it. I ate the hash brown cake, which is weird because I hate hash browns and I generally hate breakfast from McDonald's. I ate the biscuit from the sandwich and not the chicken; I just couldn't handle chicken in the morning.

*Five deep-fried Oreos (thanks to the World's Cutest Irishman's Maxim magazine, which had a glowing review of deep-fried Oreos I had read about only ONE DAY before I happened upon them at Strawberry Days). EEEEP! That was my post-breakfast breakfast. I saw the booth, sprinted over, and proceeded to pay five bucks for what I thought was going to be one Oreo. Yes, I would have paid five bucks for one deep-fried cookie. Imagine my delight when I discovered that I actually got five cookies for my five dollars! They were awesome. Kinda like Oreo-flavored donuts.

*One deep-fried Snickers. Again, Strawberry Days food. Looked like a corn dog, tasted kinda like a Snickers-flavored donut. I think I'd be pretty fine in my life if I never have another one. BUT, it was awesome. That was lunch.

Three hours later after walking around in the hot sun looking at booths and waiting for the kids to go on rides with insanely long lines, I confirmed: I NEVER WANT DEEP-FRIED OREOS OR SNICKERS OR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. Or, at least until the next carnival-ish type event we go to. BUT MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN...

*Little Caesars pepperoni pizza and Crazy Bread. I love Crazy Bread. Love it, love it, love it. It makes me crazy, and it was awesome. Dinner.

*Four frosting globs from my single serving-sized chocolate birthday cake. No actual cake consumed. So incredibly health-conscious, you know.

SUNDAY:

*Starbucks Grande Skinny Caramel on my way to the spa with my mom and sister-in-law. Breakfast; no time for actual chewing as we were running late.

*French dip sandwich with melted jack cheese, french fries and one-third of a brownie sundae for dessert at Juicy Lucy's in Glenwood Springs. Way too good and way too awesome. Lunch.

*Chili's Skillet Queso and tortilla chips, which I was sharing with the sister-in-law before she decided to wow us with her "I'm pregnant and I can eat crazy shit" skills with the Habanero Hot Wings, with an extra side of Habanero sauce. Dinner.

*My single serving-sized chocolate birthday cake, minus a few frosting globs I just could not finish. Ironic. Thank God I had the foresight to get a tiny cake that I could finish in one serving, or I would probably still be "serving" it to myself for every meal. Again with the AWESOME. Dessert. 33rd birthday. Best way to shut down the weekend eating insanity.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I probably did nothing good as far as getting my last six pounds off to reach my final, ultimate goal, and instead could have possibly increased it up to maybe the last GAJILLION pounds to reach my goal (I don't know; I haven't gotten on the scale; I am way too scared), but it was worth it. It was awesome. I told myself I could go crazy for my birthday; mission accomplished.

Needless to say, HOLY BEEN BACK ON THE DIET!! I'm getting ready to screw it up a wee bit this weekend in New York City (HELLO, Magnolia Bakery cupcakes with Sam The Cupcake Bandit!), but really, I am so glad to be eating like I care about myself again! What is dreadfully sad is to look back and read about all of that excess and know that that is how poorly I used to eat on a DAILY BASIS.

I happily return to my regularly scheduled program, already in progress...