Out of the Haze

Starting over, in every aspect.

A lot has changed since the last time I blogged - a lot! Right now I am just trying to roll with the punches and surround myself with every possible positive thing I can.

I've started a new job this week as an admin assistant with an engineering firm. It is pretty different from the law firm, and from the work I had been doing for my mom for the past few months. I am excited about the new opportunity and so far it seems like the engineers I work for are all happy to have me there. I am a little nervous about working with only men - I like a little sisterhood among the ranks - but I think I can handle these guys. My boss looks like Dr. David Banner; I just hope I don't give him any reason to Hulk out...

Christmas is here in a few days. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little Sam. I can't wait for my sister to get here, and sadly, it looks like I'm going to have to, considering that she is supposed to be flying into Denver tomorrow and the airport has been completely shut down due to insane blizzard conditions there. I'm thinking the earliest she will be here will be Friday, and that's probably going to be a stretch. Her main man, D.R., is in Montana for the holiday, which we are all sad about because we all love him and he is ridiculously fun to be around. My stepmom Sonjah was supposed to come down here for Christmas, too, but she is having too many health problems with her MS right now, including needing to get surgery to reattach her medicine pump to her stomach muscles after it ripped off in a bad fall she had in her garage. I am so sad about it because she is going to be all alone for the holiday, which will be the first time since Dad died. I'm just not ready for her to be by herself, but we all knew it would eventually have to happen. I wish I could have figured out a way to be there, which is what we had originally planned, but with having to start a new job, it all kind of got hosed. The holidays are always so weird, so good and so difficult at the same time. I don't know why it happens that way.

Last but not least, my husband is my soon-to-be ex-husband. That explains a lot of my absence from writing. Kinda hard to feel inspired to write when your life is in a complete upheaveal. We tried - we tried hard - and it didn't work. I wish him the best, we are both ready to move on, and that's pretty much all I'm gonna say. I have deleted most of the posts I had done that had been about him, with the exception of a few that have a mention here or there, but you can't just totally eliminate the past - there are always going to be traces of things in the background, and I just have to learn how to shift myself around it all and keep going forward. We both feel very positive and know that splitting up has been the right choice, so now there is only the future and all that it holds. Endless possibilities that begin on Valentine's Day, as a matter of fact, when the divorce becomes final. Kind of appropriate, I think. Hearts break, hearts mend - hearts even find love again. Seems like February 14th is a good day to let hope in...