Get Bizzy

Hollywood is on to something, and ladies, we need to take note:

Problem-solving via The Dance-Off.

How this phenomenon has not already hit global proportions, I do not know. First, we got a little taste back when Britney and Justin threw down, post-break-up. Then, the Wayans brothers showed us how to one-up those Hamptons snobs in "White Chicks" (a movie which I personally believe is far too undervalued as a cinematic masterpiece). Now it's being reported that Paris and Lindsey have recently expressed their disdain for one another through the art of dance. I mean, HELLOOOOO, OBVIOUS! Nothing in the world better expresses, "You're a cheating ho, ya'll" or, "What are YOU doing with MY Greek shipping heir?" better than some sweaty, salsa-flavored hip-hop IN. YO'. FACE. This is our opportunity, girls! We like to dance, too, right? We need to recognize the completely sane value of solving our problems simply by Moonwalking. Baby, can you handle this? The difference, I think, between the celebs and the laypeople will be that we will use the powers of the Dance-Off before the relationships in question sour.

Take for instance the other night. The Dude and I got into a fight about - of course - household chores. The never-ending battle of the sexes. And you know what? I should have just Cabbage-Patched the hell out of that argument, because no man can have the importance of folding laundry made clearer to him than when his wife is furiously PUMPING UP THE VOLUME. And I don't mean yelling, my friends. I mean, old-school, whipping-out-the-deconstructed-cardboard-box BREAKIN'. Ladies, we don't need Dr. Phil to tell us what's up; the only relationship guru we need is our inner Fly Girl. Getting our boogie on is truly the only way we will ever get our point across in anything, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, or, matters involving unloading the dishwasher. Don't waste your time yelling. There's no need for begging, pleading or worst of all - crying. Save the waterworks for when you truly need them, like when you go see The Lake House this weekend (Sandra and Keanu, I am so there with you, kids)! The only tears to see will be those running down your man's cheeks as, through the power of the Roger Rabbit, he discovers that he, too, can run a vacuum. You don't have to be a martyr; you just hafta show em' whatcha workin' wit'! Why should we sit back and let the celebrities bask in all of the Dance-Off glory? We're people, too, and we can, and should, apply this sound logic to our own, everyday, minimum-wage lives. Paris does NOT get to have all of the fun (I think we can agree she's had quite enough already). We can take this into our own hands and together, with the "Fame" and "Footloose" soundtracks playing loudly in our hearts, we can take back the power in our relationships.

Can't we all just get along? If we will just simply stop for a second, step back, and shake what our mamas gave us, I believe YES - yes, we can.

"So don't just stand there. Bust a move."