So, okay, this is great.
Someone just came up to me and asked me if I am pregnant.
Yeah. Let that sink in.
"No, why - DO I LOOK PREGNANT????", I shrieked as I felt my cheeks burst into flames.
And then I immediately thought, Why in the HELL did I just respond that way? Why did I invite someone to possibly answer that question affirmatively, thereby leaving myself open to a night of tears and anxiety, wondering "Great! How the hell fat do I REALLY LOOK??"
See, that's the kind of "stinkin' thinkin'", as my mom would say, that I am working on getting rid of. It's a process. Hoooo boy, it's a process.
Luckily, the person who asked me said, "Oh, no, not at all! I've just been noticing how you have been eating popcorn every day for like a month."
The tension and stress from the mere thought: (A) of being pregnant when I'm not ready, and (B) LOOKING like I'm pregnant when I'm so unbelievably NOT has got me all kinds of keyed up now!
For the RECORD, I have been consuming a fair amount of popcorn every day. 'Tis true. But, it's because I get hungry in the afternoon, and when Slim-Fast is a part of my daily diet right now, I need something crunchy to chew. And, it's a good, healthy snack. The plain stuff isn't as good as the sinful combo of cheese and caramel popcorn that I discovered while visiting my sister in Chicago, but it's all part of the equation while I'm looking to come up with The Answers. So. There we go.
I'm now going to go home, hop on the treadmill while I watch the Biggest Loser (Biggest Loser = treadmill; every week; it's how I roll, dawgs), and THANK GOD IN HEAVEN that I don't look pregnant.
I have lived the scenario of the number one question overweight women who are not pregnant DREAD BEING ASKED, and lived to tell the tale.
Motivation comes in all forms.
Trying to take the advice scrawled across my coffee cup and "Love the moment"...
8 comments:
People are probably noticing your healthy glow. I hear it happens when there are babies being grown.Speaking of which, mom is in full-on grandma mode. With Robin here as her cohort, it's like having to deal with mom squared. Lordy!
The person who asked you that is a fool. For the record, it is only okay to ask if a) the baby is crowning and/or b) the mom-to-be in question brings it up herself. In now way should you be penalized because some buffoon is not following the rules.
I really need to start using the word "buffoon" more in my daily conversation. I shall start today!
Sam- I seriously hate to think of what will happen to us if we do not produce a grandchild to She Who Is Obsessed. We'll probably be forced to leave the country, as there could possibly be a hit out on us. However, glad you're getting the full court press for once instead of me!!Mia - HAHA! Thank you; now I know the ground rules for when it's appropriate to assume someone is pregnant. Answer: NEVER!! Which is kinda what I was thinking yesterday.
I was in grade 11 during some sex ed class and the teacher said to me, "are you pregnant" Good Lord that freaked me out? Am I? Oh my God, what if I am? Of course I wasn't since I wasn't active back then but talk about embarassing. All my peers thought I was. I mean she was a sex ed instructor. If anyone would know, it'd be her!
Well, it could be worse. I was working at a restaurant and we had a terrible waitress. A girl came in with a newborn, her husband, and another couple they were eating with. The horrible waitress goo goo'ed over the baby for a minute, looks at the other couple and says "When is your baby due?" The girl was mortified as you were and said "I'm not pregnant." The waitress continued..."But you look pregnant! Are you sure you're not? You just look like a pregnant woman in every possible way! You might want to check, I really think you're pregnant. You just so look it that I thought you were as soon as you walked in!" Yeah, she never shut up. I'm pretty sure that lady stiffed her.
In short it's not that you look fat, it's that people are dumb and inconsiderate.
Grace - ELEVENTH GRADE?? I would have died. What kind of crappy person does that to someone, especially a sex ed teacher in high school? That is so ridiculous!Moates - boy, talk about an example of not knowing when to shut up! Then again, that waitress shouldn't have even gone there in the first place. You're right about the dumb and inconsiderate part, that's for sure!
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