How a Crazy Mind Works

I was one dorky little kid. And quite possibly, continue to be a dorky adult.

I was just down in the convenience store in my building (yes, I bought Cheez-its for the fourth day in a row this week. Forty-nine cents. Nice diet.) and the clerk had some ULTRA corny radio station on. Since it seemed to be Fattening Snack Rush Hour before everyone has to go home and eat respectable, healthy dinners, I ended up having to wait in line for a few minutes. Leading the charmed life that I do, I had the privilege of listening to the sweet caressing sounds of "Afternoon Delight." Anyone who has parents that sometimes listened to cheeseball music can recall this song.

Now, as a kid, whenever I heard this genius little tune, which thankfully was not that often, I never really paid attention to the lyrics, and why should I have? Please, I did NOT need to be any nerdier than I already was. However, I do recall a little snippet, mainly because it was refreshed in my head moments ago:

You and me, baby, in the broad dayliiiiiight,
Aaa-aaa-Aaafternoon De-light!

While I waited to pay for my Cheez-its (four cheese blend, people!), I had more of an opportunity than I ever wanted in life to learn that - NEWSFLASH! - Afternoon Delight is about the Horizontal Mambo, baby!

It is NOT about a guy and a girl sneaking off in the middle of the day to some sunshiny, secret room to eat Divinity, a/k/a "Afternoon Delight", as I had previously imagined in my youth.

Now, that says one (or all) of three things about me, I think:

A: that I was so purely innocent and good as a child that my mind was simply incapable of processing lyrics that involved a couple getting naked (gross!) and smooshing their bodies together (double gross!!) and KISSING AND STUFF! EEW - COOTIES!;

B: that I am seriously, seriously dense; or

C: that my food issues run way, WAY-hay-hay deeper than I thought!

Then again, I am also the girl who thought that the Doobie Brothers were actual brothers.