Chicago - Day Four

By the way, I know this "vacation diary" thing is getting annoying. At the very least, I'm annoying myself, so it will all be wrapped up by tomorrow. Hang with me; I gotta document it. You know, for posterity. Speaking of leaving things for posterity (God help us), I just read the most mind-numbingly stupid interview from the classic example of a narcissistic celebrity. If you're a Paris Hilton fan, stop it. Stop it right now. It's NOT hot. My brain hurts.

April 17th, Sunday:

This was the day both of us had been looking forward to the most, I think, and it definitely didn't disappoint.

We got up, took our time getting beautiful, continued to fool ourselves into thinking that we were actually going to save money by drinking Slim Fast in the mornings, and set out for our $35/person "two-hour lunch cruise along the harbor." We took our lunch-cruisin' selves down to the tourist trap that is Navy Pier, and hung out for a while until it was time to board the boat. The first thing we did while we waited was ride the giant Ferris Wheel. TOO COOL, except that it goes really slow. I thought they were doing that until everyone got on before they let 'er rip, but no. They snap a picture of you that you might want to buy later for FIFTEEN BUCKS, put you on, and you ride for one slow motion revolution so that you can enjoy the views of the city while people hop on and off. It was cool, and we took some pictures from the top, and a couple of each other. I was feeling particularly hottie-ish because Bimps had convinced me to tie a scarf in my hair, so I was very in touch with my inner Bohemian, plus I had on some sweet new Ralph Lauren sandals that I totally DIG. This was obviously before we got the pictures back and I realized that I am actually a dead ringer for Jabba the Hut. Now, when The Noodle makes me go see the latest Star Wars installment in a couple more weeks, people are going to think I'm one of those Nerdy McNerds that dresses up as some character from the movies. "Oh my gosh! Jabba! Your costume looks so realistic! How did you do that?" Lots of cheeseburgers, my sweet little Storm Troopers. Lots of cheeseburgers. Maybe I can convince The Noodle to dress up like Princess Leia and I'll drag him around with a big chain around his neck. It'll be sweet.

Anyway, I digress. The cruise was from noon to 2:00 p.m., but they started letting people board around 11:00, so we were all gung ho to see what there was to see. We boarded as the DJ (yes, there was a DJ!) was playing Jimmy Buffet's "Volcano," at which point Bimps and I immediately looked at each other and got all weepy for a second (we miss you so much, Daddy). That happened a lot that day, and over the course of the whole vacation. Of course they snapped our picture in case we wanted to pay TWENTY BUCKS for it later (we didn't). There were two levels of dining areas, but they kept everyone down on the main level, which made for a full house. We were able to wander around on all of the decks, so Bimps and I grabbed our opportunity to go outside on the top deck while there were still hardly any people on the boat so we could do our "King of the World" Titanic moments. Those actually were pretty sweet pictures. If I can get The Noodle to show me how to load them (which means I'll have to find a scanner first), I'll put them up. Once the boat started filling up (with people, not water), they had everyone grab their plates and start filling up on the buffet-style lunch, which was nothing to write home about but still good. The crab-stuffed salmon was EXCELLENT, I will say that. We nursed a couple of super-strong Remy Sidecars, and thank God we didn't drink more because we thought drinks were included in the whole price. Uh, no. $23, baby, for two drinks. Awesome. Then we shared our desserts, some kind of cheese cake and some kind of fudge cake that were made to seem all fancy-schmancy, but were probably from the frozen dessert section of a grocery store. We were all basically done eating by the time the boat left the dock, so it was kind of like getting a bonus hour since the cruise itself did take two hours. It was beautiful and I took some great shots of the city, and some great shots of the two of us just being complete morons, which I love. Bimps, "Maturity is the key word." HAHA!!

So do you get the sense that I am leaving some important details out? If you don't, then I suck at building up suspense. Anyway, the BEST and most IMPORTANT detail of this cruise was the fact that there was LIVE ENTERTAINMENT on this bad boy. Oh-HO-YEAH. The first appearance was made by the impossibly adorable man we dubbed GBB, or, Gay Bobby Brown, resplendent in his tux pants and shirt with bright red sequined cummerbund and bow tie. I mean, really, is there any way I can possibly paint the picture of his awesomeness? I think not. At first we just thought maybe one of the servers had gone nuts and commandeered the mike from the DJ to lauch his Chicago Idol attempt. But when he was joined by another guy wearing the same outfit (my husband tells me men don't wear "outfits", but sugarpies, these were outfits) and two lovely ladies with red polyester dresses with sequined detailing and matching velour shrugs, we knew there was more to it. The party - no, the parTAAAY - had begun.

Their musical repertoire included: Celebrate, Rollin' on the River, Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Dancin' in the Streets, Living in America, Fly Me to the Moon, and Twist 'n' Shout, which I thought was particularly appropriate as a nod to the very great Ferris Bueller and Chicago. These little numbers all came complete with extremely coordinated dance moves, including the Running Man and the Cabbage Patch. During one song, they actually passed out instruments for people to play along with the songs. That is, if you could call decorated plastic dairy creamer bottles (rattles) and gold painted pieces of METAL RAIN GUTTERS (drums? pieces of trash?) with sticks "instruments." To quote this hilarious website I once found, "It was cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet." They would occasionally take breaks, during which times the DJ would play crowd pleasers like the Electric Slide. Seriously, come ON, Dude! I swear, it was crazy, and as much as I want to poke fun at them, all of the performers really were extremely talented and did amazing jobs. I think they had the whole crowd entranced, although probably a little horrified. At one point, Gay Bobby Brown, who would perform sometimes by himself because he was the MAN, announced a couple who was celebrating their 12th anniversary that day with their two kids there. He had the couple get up on the "dance floor" and slow-dance while he sang Don't Go Changin'. Their kids were so happy (and slightly embarrassed), and it was so corny and so cheesy, and so sweet and so AWESOME. I do believe that was one of the other times Bimps and I welled up with a few tears. We're too sentimental in my family! Let's just say, when the cruise was over, we made sure to tell GBB that he was FABulous, and we got our picture taken with all four of the performers. At first, we kind of thought we'd do it as a joke, but EVERYONE wanted their pictures taken with them! It was surreal, and so ridiculously fun. Worth every cent.

Quick end to this: we went back to the apartment, Bimps fell asleep, and I watched Closer. Didn't love it. Then we went to the Royal George Theater on Halstead and saw "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change," which was HYSTERICAL. I highly recommend seeing it if you get a chance. Even poopy ol' husbands like mine who think going to plays is too GURLIE-MON would enjoy it. We capped off the night by eating at Vinci's, a wonderful Mediterranean restaurant that Bimpsy had been to before on some company outing. Delectable. Went home, vowed to get up early for once so we could squeeze in the Shedd Aquarium and the Art Institute of Chicago, and fell asleep before our heads hit the pillows...